vrzhu tuesday

JUST

In case you missed it, May is National Slushpile Awareness Month.  This is in addition to the month of May also being Victims of National Poetry Month Month.  Here at the Vrzhu Research Bureau we realize the serious dangers inherent in being exposed to National Poetry Month, and want to contribute to the alleviation of the pain and suffering caused by NPM in any small way we can.

ALSO

The Virginia Quarterly Review blog seems to be participating in National Slushpile Awareness Month (NSAM) with these entries, and we applaud their efforts.

And stop by "101 reasons to stop writing," the source of the de-inspirational poster at the beginning of this post and an excellent site which specializes in curing writers of their addiction.  The site is dedicated particularly to fiction writers. We're wondering if there's a similar site for those who refuse to use an entire sheet of paper to it's fullest potential. Let us know.

ON THE OTHER HAND

There's a very nice interview with Reb Livingston here that addresses eloquently the DIY poetry movement:

I no longer feel beholden to other publishers’ whims and circumstances. I know how to put together a book. There’s no reason I should spend hundreds or possibly thousands of dollars in contests and reading fees for something I can do myself.

NOW

Regarding Victims of National Poetry Month Month, first of all, don't panic. Regular readers of poetry, poets themselves, and other poetry aficionados are for the most part immune to the deleterious effects of Poetry Exposure.  If you fall into that category, you have no doubt built up a resistance to the sometimes alarming mental and physical injuries of reading or hearing poetry.  If you have increased your normal intake of poetry during National Poetry Month, you may experience some slight aftereffects, such as tingling in the extremities, changes in your visual field (unusual acuity or blurring), and mild depression or melancholia.  These will pass as the poetry is flushed from your system and memory.

For poetry civilians, those with little or no experience of poetry, who compromise the great majority of the populace, even a passing exposure to poetry can be dangerous. And the risk of a greater intake during National Poetry Month is very high indeed. 

Fortunately, even severe exposure to poetry is rarely fatal, and clinical studies have shown that poetry-related afflictions are not permanent. Full recovery, though slow, can be expected.

TO HELP

poetry civilians self-diagnose whether they have been exposed to poetry, or are suffering the effects of Poetry Exposure, the Vrzhu Research Bureau is here providing the following brief, and non-technical, guide to the symptoms of PE, as a PSA.

Types of Poetry Exposure

Poetry Exposure is categorized into first-, second-, or third-degree exposures, depending on the extent, duration, and depth of the incident.

First-degree exposure

First-degree exposure, also called second-hand poetry exposure, is the mildest of the three, and is limited to either the top layer of, or just below, conscious recognition. First degree exposure results from accidental, brief encounters with poetry, such as:

• Poems posted in public transportation areas or on public transportation conveyances, such as subways or buses
• Poems inscribed, or otherwise visible, in public settings, or on common objects such as benches, walls, etc.
• Casual or unconscious viewing while sitting or standing in proximity to someone reading a poetry book, or journal
• Other brief visual or aural exposures to poetry

Symptoms: temporary boredom, listlessness.

Second-degree exposure

Second-degree exposure is more serious and involves the conscious or active absorption of at least one whole poem. This exposure is often the result of:

• A poem sent by e-mail, text-messaged, or directly read to the victim
• A whole poem in an otherwise innocuous magazine, newspaper or other print medium
• A poem heard on the radio or the television, or as part of an otherwise entertaining movie.

Symptoms: irritability, annoyance, disgust

Third-degree exposure

Third-degree exposure is the most serious type and involves prolonged exposure to more than poem and retention of the event in the consciousness or memory for an extended period. Such exposure happens:

• At poetry readings, attended voluntarily or involuntarily; or accidentally, as when a poetry reading starts in an otherwise healthy bookstore.
• When given a poetry book as a “gift”
• In classroom lectures, seminars and discussions involving English, world literature, humanities and other related subjects.

Symptoms: shock, tremors, catatonia