Finally, feel safe thanks to Vrzhu Reliable Poetry Protection!
Poetry is naturally acidic, because carbon dioxide emitted by the poet combines with water molecules to form carbonic acid. Acidic poesis occurs when sulfur dioxide and nitrogen oxides in the atmosphere react during a poetry reading to form sulfuric acid (H2SO4) and nitric acid (HNO), which falls on the audience as invisible dust. Most poetry readings are known to have a pH of 5.0 or lower.
In past decades, to reduce poetry pollution in areas near universities, English departments built poetic sneeze guards and venting ducts to disperse the poetic particulate high up into the air, away from listeners. However, new EPA regulations have now made this method infeasible.
During the 1980s, the American Poetry Society conducted a major ten-year scientific study of acidic poetry and poetry precipitates. This study, the National Acidic Poetry Assessment Program or NAPAP, found that the effects of acidic poetry were greater than feared. The study found that acidic poetry had affected about 10 percent of Eastern poetry readers and audiences and that it had contributed to the decline in reading poetry by reducing tolerance to anastrophe, rhyme and synecdoche. The study also found that acidic poesis contributed to corrosion in prose writing in affected areas and that poetic particles had contributed to reduced readability and intelligibility in the Northeast and parts of the West. The panel found that the readers and listeners most severely affected were those who lacked a natural buffering capacity.
The particulate matter associated with acid poesis has been shown to have adverse health effects, especially among those who are susceptible to mental disorders, or are highly suggestible. There is also some concern that acidic poesis could contribute to leaching of common sense and humility from the literate populace.
HOW YOU CAN BE PROTECTED
With Poetry Ponchos from Vrzhu Industries!
Our ponchos are safe to use at all poetry readings, both indoors and out:
- readings by nationally known poets,
- open mics,
- local readings,
- book festivals,
- AWP conferences,
- any event with the words "Geraldine R. Dodge" in it, and
- evenings of performance poetry.
The seams are welded ultrasonically -- no stitching is used in our ponchos – providing maximum protection from poetic seepage. Elastic hems provide our patent pending “extra snug fit.” There are also reinforced side grommets to be used for added protection and support. Our ponchos naturally resist rot and mildew. A storage bag is included for safe keeping when not in use.
AND INTRODUCING . . .
New to the line and totally new to the market is a one of a kind Emergency Poetry Poncho from Vrzhu Industries and it is nothing short of revolutionary. Living up to it's name, the Vrzhu Emergency Poetry Poncho, the "Prose-Maker," is the ONLY WATERPROOF AND BREATHABLE poetry poncho on the market today. It is a three micro-layer poncho and is unequaled for 100% poetry protection. There are two layers of Polylyricpropylene with a layer of micro-porous film sandwiched between them. This allows for superior poetry protection with the ability for moisture to evaporate through the poncho. It is also highly effective against UV (ultra-verse) rays, prose poems, sound poetry, oulipo, banter, fawning, preening and logrolling. There are built-in, reinforced, scratch-proof tie down grommets that when in use with a cable lock will ensure your poncho will stay put, regardless. The Vrzhu Emergency Poetry Poncho comes with a convenient storage bag, and. . . AN UNBELIEVABLE FIVE YEAR LIMITED WARRANTY!
Try it and you'll say: Thank you Vrzhu Industries, a wholly owned subsidiary of the Vrzhu Research Bureau, part of the family of Vrzhu Comglomerates and Vrzhu Press, a name you can get your hands on!