VRZHU bullets of pure love

Erik Satie on Critics

You can't spell satire without satie.

From Vanity Fair, September 1921

A Hymn in Praise of the Critics

Those Whistling Bell-Buoys who indicate the reefs on the shores of the Human Spirit

Erik Satie

Ladies, young ladies, gentlemen

It is not chance that has led me to choose this subject.

It is grateful recognition,…for I am almost as ready to offer recognition as to be recognized.

* * *

Last year I gave a long lecture on:

Intelligence and Musical Qualities Among Animals.

Today I will speak to you about:

Intelligence and Musical Qualities Among Critics.

...approximately the same theme—with, naturally, a few modifications.

* * *

The world does not know the Critics well enough;—it is ignorant of what they have done, of what they may yet do.

They are not the only Creators of Criticism—that master of the Arts—but they are the freest thinkers in our modern society of social freethinkers, if I may so express myself.

It was a critic who posed for Rodin’s Thinker

Rodin has a weakness for the critics—a great weakness—

Their advice was dear to him—very dear—too dear, most expensive, in fact—

There are three kinds of critics:—those who have importance;—those who have less importance;—and those who have no importance at all—

The last two kinds do not exist:—all critics have IMPORTANCE.

* * *

The Critic, physically, has a serious aspect: he is a sort of mental and physical double bass ‘cello.

He is a center in himself—a center of gravity—

If he laughs, he does so only on one side of his face—either the right side, or the wrong side—

Always very amiable with the Ladies, he calmly keeps gentlemen at a distance—

* * *

Mediocrity or incapacity are not encountered among Critics—A mediocre or incapable Critic would be the laughingstock of his comrades; it would be impossible for him to exercise his profession—his mission, I mean; he would be obliged to leave his country—All doors would be closed to him.—His life would be a long martyrdom.

The Artist is only a dreamer,—after all.—The Critic has the consciousness of Reality—and of his own importance.

An Artist can be imitated;—the Critic is inimitable—and priceless—

How could one imitate a Critic?—I ask myself that.—Well, at any rate, the interest in so doing would be rather thin—very thin: We have the original—HE IS SUFFICIENT.

Whoever said that Criticism is easy, did not say anything worth saying.

It is really a shameful thing to have said.

The man who wrote down such a sentiment should be pursued—for at least a mile—or two.—Possibly, however he regrets his remark.

It is possible; it is likely—IT IS CERTAIN!

* * *
The mind of the Critic is a store—a department store.

One finds in it a little of everything—science;—bedding;—the arts;—traveling rugs;—writing paper;—foreign and domestic;—history;—smokers’ outfits;—languages;—umbrellas;—belle-lettres;—woolen goods;—sporting apparel;—humor;—eyeglasses;—perfumery;—etc.

The Critic knows everything,—sees everything,—tells everything,—hears everything,—touches everything,—investigates everything,—eats everything,—confuses everything.

What a man!!

* * *

The Critic is also a lookout,—a bell-buoy,—as it were—

He indicates the reefs which border the shores of the Human Spirit;—near these shores—the Critic—watched with superb clairvoyance—

From a distance he looks a little like a log—a sympathetic and intelligent log, of course.

* * *

How does reach that high position—the situation of bell-buoy or floating log?

* * *

By his merit—his personal merit—

* * *

We have now reached a delicate joint—

It is the Editor of a paper, a review, or any other periodical—who discovers the Critic.

He discovers him after severe examination—

This examination is very long and very painful—as well for the Critic as for the Editor—

One asks questions;—the other is on his guard.—It is an agonizing conflict,—full of surprises—all sorts of strategies are employed by both parties.—Finally the Editor is vanquished. The Editor is absorbed by the Critic—

It is extremely rare that the Editor recovers—

* * *

The true critical sense lies not in criticizing oneself but in criticizing others;—and the beam in one’s own eye does not in the least prevent of clear view of the straw in one’s neighbor’s eye—in such a case, the beam becomes a telescope which enlarges the aforesaid straw in an amazing manner—

* * *

We cannot too profoundly admire the first Critic who ever appeared in the world—

* * *

The brutal denizens of the Dawn of History must have received him with blows and insults, not realizing he was a Precursor, a man worthy of the utmost reverence—

In his way, he was a hero.

The second, third and fourth Critics were probably no better received;—but they helped create a precedent:—

Then the Critics began propagating themselves.

Later on,—these Benefactors of Humanity learned how to organize themselves;—they founded Critical Unions in all the great capitals.—

Critics thus became personages—which proves that Virtue is always rewarded—

* * *

Let us thank the Critics for the sacrifices they make daily for our good.—Let us ask a kind Providence to protect them against sickness;—to spare them all worries;—to give them large quantities of children of all kinds—who will continue their noble breed.

A NEW BEGINNING.....

COMING SOON......

 

From the sublime to the two of Vrzhu's favorite people.

Kristen Wiig reads from the oeuvre of Suzanne Somers.

Poetry News On The March

Poet Inspires Archie

This alternative future will be a relief to the fans who reacted negatively to the marriage to Veronica. “The polls that I’ve seen ran about 80/20, Betty over Veronica, with Jughead continually coming in a strong third,” said Mr. Uslan, a comic-book historian, a longtime “Archie” fan and a producer of the big-screen “Batman” films. Mr. Uslan said his inspiration for the story included a film (“Sliding Doors”), a poem (Robert Frost’s “Road Not Taken”) and a song (“Both Sides, Now”).

***

Confirmation Hearings For Poet Laureate

Senator Orrin Hatch: And Ms. Ryan, do you recall your use of enjambed line breaks to break up a rhyming couplet of iambic hexameter at the poem’s conclusion?

Kay Ryan: Senator, I—It has been some time since I wrote that poem.  I’m not sure that—

SOH: The poem’s sixteenth line ends with the word stay.  And the poem’s twentieth, its final line, ends with the word away.  Isn’t that correct, Ms. Ryan?

KR: Yes, Senator, that does, that sounds correct, to the best of my recollection.

***

Disorientation begets creative thinking.

Our History and a Gem from Our Vaults - A Vrzhu Classic Reprint

Many of you know of VRZHU as a hip purveyor of poetic treasure and cutting edge "content" as evidenced from our splendid books and our frequent contributions on the internets.  We're proud of that.

But our history is more storied than this.  Indeed, VRZHU Press as it is known today is just the most recent incarnation of what began in the 1500s in the tiny German town of Bad Muskau on the Polish border.  Originally known as Veröffentlicher von Versionen die Schäferhund Eingeweiden (loosely translated as "Publishers of Versions of Sheepdog Entrails"), much of its early history was lost in a tragic fire in 1816.  Indeed what little we know about VRZHU's first three centuries are based on what was written down by the survivors based on their memory of the records destroyed in the fire and the oral history of earlier publishers still living at the time.  While we concede that these testimonies are suspect, they are sadly all we have to go by.

The story that has come down to us is that the founder, one Leopold Fuhrwerk, was an itinerant poet who carried his books by cart, selling and reading village to village through German Silesia (then part of the Habsburg Monarchy).  He seemed successful, but at some point Fuhrwerk's more satiric work caught the attention of the authorities who did not look kindly on his more pointed policial commentary.  His quatrains about the "poofiness" of Archduke Rudolf pantaloons not only proved the big hit poem of 1568, it also threatened Fuhrwerk's safety. Sadly the quatrains about the young future Holy Roman Emperor were lost in the fire of 1816, but they proved scandalous enough to lead to Fuhrwerk's banishment from Silesia.  

Fuhrwerk resettled in Geneva where he died in 1629 from a case of faulty leeching.  

The bitter irony of Fuhrwerk's death is not lost to us.  You see, in an attempt of broadening the press's offerings, Fuhrwerk had just published the German edition of William Harvey's groundbreaking treatise  Exercitatio Anatomica de Motu Cordis et Sanguinis in Animalibus which disproved the practice of leeching and bloodletting.  His death reminds us of the importance of trusting what we publish.

His family continued publishing and took the operation in different directions.  The next two centuries saw the growth of what we now know as VRZHU Press -- the name was mercifully shortened from Veröffentlicher von Versionen die Schäferhund Eingeweiden upon Fuhrwerk's move to Geneva.  They specialized in devotional poetry and, most successfully, wartime pamphletry.  

It is this latter work which is of note, as the press seemed to go where the work was, and in some cases operated as a proto-Hearstian fomentor of conflict.  In 1673 VRZHU opened presses in Copenhagen, Oslo and Stockholm and began publishing pamphlets that many historians credit for the start of hostilities that led to the bloody, and pointless, Scanian War of 1675.  The war lasted four years; during which VRZHU profited from the publication of humorous treatises attacking the intelligence and eating habits of the enemy.  What is of interest is that what VRZHU published in Copenhagen, Oslo and Stockholm was all the same, except for the change in nationality: the Danish and Norwegian pamphlets were scurrulously anti-Swedish, while the Swedish pamphlets were fiercely anti-Danish and Norwegian.  Extant pamphlets from this period include the Swedish pamphlet "What Peril Lies in the Danish Lutefisk Brine!" and the Norwegian pamphlet, "The Crown Lies Crooked on Princess Ulrike Eleonora's Head."  Both published by VRZHU Press and going through multiple printings.

It was a regrettable chapter in the history of the press.   But this being a particularly contentious century in European warfare, it was also a very long chapter.  Historians believe the press responsible for egging on 1683's Franco-Spanish War of the Reunions, agitating both the Austrian and Ottoman empires into 1716's Austro-Turkish War, and bullying France disastrous entry into 1748's Second Carnatic War, and 1762's Spanish and Portuguese War. 

Such agitations could not go uncontested and reached a frenesí when VRZHU's Madrid director,Gustav Pohleur was sentenced to death for publishing a pamphlet on the zoological parentage of the Infanta Maria Josepha.  Her father, the Spanish King Charles III, was not amused and had Pohleur put in stocks, and then condemned to death after a thorough clinical entrail deciphering.

The press' century of war-related endeavors were put to an end by Fuhrwerk's great, great, great grandson, Michel Le Caretier (who Francified the family name open moving operations to Paris in 1753).  In the aftermath of their wartime publications, the company's fortunes were vast, but its political position precarious after Pohleur's public trial and execution. Having made a fortune of ridiculing the culinary customs, hygienic habits, and questionable ancestral roots of most of Europe's nations and their aristocratic houses, Le Caretier had the good sense to move operations to the American colonies, opening businesses in New York and Philadelphia.  Le Caretier (now operating as "Michael Carter") returned the press to its poetic roots and established itself as the home for the voices of American poetry.  This is the inheritance we look forward to sharing with you in future installments.  The earlier history is largely regrettable, although it allows us the shabby comforts of our architectural déshabillé.

We're lucky and proud, especially in these days of publishing industry contraction and meltdown, to benefit from such a long and storied past, albeit little known to the outside world.  As a limited release publisher of poetic disquisition and arcana approaching its fifth century of productivity, we're blessed with a remarkable archives of material from our publishing forebears. 

However in the hurly burly of our current projects we rarely have the opportunity to explore the lares and penates of our inheritance.  So, we build that time into every meeting we have.

Yesterday during a rainy day conclave at VRZHU's Southeastern Regional Headquarters, we took some time to go through our voluminous archives.  Now the VRZHU Archives archives are immense and due to the economic downturn we have had to lay off about three quarters of our staff.  That staff included three interns and a chihuahua.  So after feeding little Fallstaff, we settled into about two hours of cobweb clearing and were delighted to find this gem from VRZHU Press's 1886 publication Pastures of Poetic Anthems and Descants of Delectation.  The work was a huge success of the year and served as the requisite anthology for two generations (copies fetch a pretty sum online and in antiquarian bookstores).  Here is Horace Bowleshare's gripping Ode from this collection.

To A Plum-Pudding

Shall fumes of haggis fill Apollo’s nose?
    Of “country messes” shall the Muse be fain?
    And thou, consummate compoud, thou remain
But them (too rare) of culinary prose!
Spheroid oblate, whose microcosm shows
    Choice gifts of nature from her triple reign
For Art’s deft hands to mingle and constrain,
Till round thy “spotty globe” blue ether glows.
    Salt, sugar, suet, flour and eggs and spice,
Citron’s green masses, raisin’s sanguine crowd,
Milk, cognac, lime-juice; minor dainties which,
    Though not essential, are exceedingly nice—
Sweet may be other cates (sic), but thus endowed,
O well-yclept plum-pudding, thou art rich.

Non-Ron definitions, Quotes, and More Vrzhu History

 Beyond Post-Quietude: Definitions

Came across these definitions of kinds of poets. It's written to be about Arab poets such as Abu Tammam Ibn Zaydunl.  What I like about this is the attention paid to the poetic environment wherein different kinds of poets arise. Particular plants do not grow in any kind of soil. Please read with the idea of applying to today's poets and poetic ecosystem.

From The Legacy of Muslim Spain, by Salma Khadra Jayyusi, Manuela Marin

There are three main kinds of successful poet. The first are the propagators, those who develop an already established trend to its fullest potential , enriching it and imbuing it flair and sophistication. Many of the greatest poets of Arab literary history belong to this category, and have preserved their reputation through the passage of time.  There is no space, here, to explore the underlying reasons for this particular phenomenon and to ponder why this role was imposed on poets of such great genius, but something may be said about the poetic situation of their age.  In each of the periods in question poetry was in need not of radical change, but of reaching a culmination, of concluding a great beginning, or of halting, through the creation of splendid, original and commanding poetry within an already recognized trend, the waywardness, the adventurism, the overflowing of radical energy, and the possible irresponsibility of over-inventive experimentalists.

The second category is that of poets who initiate a new trend.  The task is usually accomplished by a number of poets, sometimes over one or two generations, as happened in parts of Europe during the 19th century when the romantic trend transcended barriers of language and nationality; and in the Arab world in the twenties and thirties of the twentieth century when romanticism became the major school. In such situations, the move is usually instinctive, answering a need, not only in the age but within in the art of poetry itself, for a change in a certain direction, when the poetic tools are ready for change (indeed almost crying out for it) and poetic sensibility has probably come to suffer from aesthetic fatigue and requires a different orientation. If the first category of poets helps enrich and develop a pre-existing trend, the second, that of the innovators, helps initiate a new one which grows, rather slowly, in the teeth of the previous one.

The third category of poets is those who establish a radically new method of writing poetry, working against great obstacles and proceeding beyond the expectations of even the most avant-garde critics. They are catalysts, who change the direction of poetry for their times and all future times. It is true that for such poets to succeed, the poetic tools of their times must have become sufficiently malleable to assimilate the radical change introduced,  and poetic sensibility must have come to crave change and originality. Nevertheless, the kind of change these poet-catalysts impose on their contemporary poetry does not appear to be an inevitable answer to the poetic situation of their times, which could perhaps be improved, or, if need be, corrected through other, less radical innovative techniques. Catalyst do not necessarily arise out of the need of the poetic art for a radically new direction either in method or in diction or metaphor. They usually appear in an age of great poetic strength—indeed, they hardly ever appear in an age of poetic weakness, since their role is not to save poetry from its defects (radical change can never be imposed on a weak poetry), but dramatically to exploit one or more aspects of the artistic possibilities of their genre, and sometimes to combat the strong hold of a certain method before it leads to total poetic rigidity. 

***
Word Substitution

 "It is a widely accepted notion among painters that it does not matter what one paints as long as it is well painted. This is the essence of academicism."

"There is no such thing as a good painting about nothing.

"We assert that the subject is crucial and only that subject matter is valid which is tragic and timeless. That is why we profess spiritual kinship with primitive and archaic art."

"Silence is so accurate."

***

More Vrzhu History

Our recent post giving an overview of the history of Vrzhu Press has generated some interest in our vast Vrzhu Arhives. Of course in the current economic climacteric, our resources are spread extremely thin. Although it is true as stated (ibid.) that most of Vrzhu's records pertaining to it's early history were lost in the 1816 conflagration (just prior, coincidently, to the arrival of a phalanx of tax auditors), Vrzhu still possesses a healthy archive of secondary materials and incunabula.  At present we can only provide the barest hint of what further work may reveal.

Vrzhu Archives, sublevels 3 through 6:

 

   

 

  

Here are a couple of recent finds unearthed from our archives:

1.The aftermath of a poetry reading given by Vrzhu author Baron Manfred von Thyssen-Spitzweggen (1787).

2. Experimental Poetic Field Detector, Vrzhu Research Test Center and Laboratory, Llanbederdyffryncynwyd, Wales, England, 1917

3.  Vrzhu's first Print On Demand facility outside of Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, circa 1898.

THE LIST!

THE LIST for 2009

Out                          In

Conceptual Poetry                  Promotional Poetry

Flarf!                    Flare!

         

Post-modern Professionals                         Modern Confessionals

Poetic Allodoxaphobia                     Poetic Atelophobia

Jack Spicer Vancouver Lectures               Jack Poet Volkswagen Commercials

           

Lowell/Bishop Correspondence                   Unindicted Poetry Co-Conspirators

Barbaric Yawps                       Attending AWP

Bukowski                        Zukofsky

         

DIY Poetry                      WTF? Poetry

Poetics                       Noetics

Typomaniacal Poems                 Squandermaniacal Poems

Poets as fashion risks                Poets as fashion risk takers

            

      The right word in the right place                             Product Placement in poems

Conceptional Poetry Vs. Flarf                      Vrzhu Poetry loves Beothuk Poetry

Elizabeth Bishop         Elizabeth Alexander

How to be a Beat Poet              How to beat up anything

JB bringing poets down a notch              BZA bringing cute animals down a notch

Poets Against the War                        The War Against Poets

“Because I would                    “…I stopped at MallWart
 not stop for Death …”                 for immortal savings!”

William Logan             John Logan

Zukofsky                       Bukowski

          

Poetry critics with an axe to grind            Poetry critics with an open mind

50 Emerging Poets                      50 Submerging Poets

          



Lifetime Poetry Projects                Lunchtime Poetry Projects

Browsing the poetry section                   "lèche-vitrine" the poetry section

Poets with a BSD                     Poets with a DDS

Contests             Open reading periods

MySpace                           Facebook

Poets wearing business attire                     Poets wearing regular Joe attire

          

Self-publishing stigma                         Shameless self-promotion

Poems about apeirophobia                       Poems about zemmiphobia

Poetry on buses                            Poetry on pottery

I hope everyone had a lovely New Year's Eve (as much if not more than I)...



...and a very happy, successful, and prospero New Year's to you all!

Saturday Night: Christmas Noir - Vrzhuvids

In the holiday spirit:

The Bloody Olive. Dir. Vincent Bal/Belgium 1996

TUESDAY-ISH/WEDNESDAY VRZHU - GET RID OF YOUR BAD POEMS FOREVER!!!

Protect your reputation with...

The Poetry Termination Toolkit!

“The 3 Critical Factors You Must Consider Before Terminating Any Poem”

Let me tell you about discarding and terminating...

Collectively, the Vrzhu Research Bureau has had a poetry career spanning almost 8 years, semi-professionally. During this time we've written good poetry. But, unfortunately, we've also written lots of awful poetry that just couldn't be rehabilitated no matter how hard we tried. Also, we've had to discard poetry because of other considerations: the danger of libel, violation of local “morals” statutes, coffee stains. Because of our unique career as "turnaround" poetry professionals, we've been involved in over 110,000 poetic terminations.

To make termination easier on you and the poem, the VRB has created a step-by-step system for terminating and discarding poetry: The Poetry Termination Toolkit! We would like to share this proven and unique system with you.

With this system, you'll have all of the procedures and options you need to make a termination go smoothly. You'll have confidence and peace of mind that you're doing the right thing.

Please take 5 minutes (or more if you want)/(or less) and read this informational presentation-like advertisement. I'll tell you more about how to properly terminate poetry.

How would you categorize your poetry? (Check all that apply)

• Mainstream
• Experimental
• Past Avant
• Cowboy
• Beat
• Genius-y
• Don’t know

If you marked at least one of these … then you need to know how to terminate properly.

Before terminating or discarding a poem, there are 3 critical termination factors you must consider. In this article, we will cover these in detail:

• Factor #1: Fight Or Flight… How The Problem Poem Will Suck the Soul Right Out of You
• Factor #2: Your Problem Poem Will Destroy Your Morale and Results… If You Don’t Do Something About It Today
• Factor #3: The Longer You Wait… The Harder It Is To Terminate The Problem Poem
• Knowing these 3 factors will help you decide when it's time to terminate the problem poem.

Once you decide to terminate, you must know how. You'll discover that terminating is much easier and less risky than you thought.

Let’s get started with the 3 factors…

Factor #1: Fight Or Flight… How The Problem Poem Will Suck the Soul Right Out of You

The problem poem always knows it’s “on the bubble” and may be terminated soon. This wouldn’t be a problem if the poem would take the hint and improve its performance and behavior. But, this seldom happens because a bad apple remains a bad apple. Instead, you’ll notice that its behavior will get worse. Your problem poem will either:

• Begin an intimidation campaign against you inside your brain, or,
• Become a zombie doing little poetic work.

You’ll notice these behaviors match the “fight or flight” response you learned to use in school. If you recall, when an animal gets into trouble, there are just two reactions, fight or flight. As we’ve seen, your poem will react the same way when its status in your oeuvre is threatened.

In either case, your only recourse is to get rid of the poem as quickly as possible, especially if your poetry is facing hardship from the recent economic or talent troubles...

Let us cover each of these reactions.

In our experience, most poems will decide to “fight” and carry out an intimidation campaign. Sometimes these campaigns are subtle, but often they’re very public. Here’s what happens.

The poem wants you to suffer as much as possible. Its goal is to use up your time and energy on it until you can’t back off.

In this case, you only have one choice. You must show it (and your other poems) you’re the Poet. You can’t have a poem undermining your authority. Its malicious and ridiculous lines justify its termination.

Now let’s discuss the opposite reaction, “flight.” In this scenario, the problem poem shuts down and stops working. It refuses to change and hopes to have you stop writing altogether.

At this point, the poem has accepted that you’ll eventually get rid of it it. So, its strategy is to drain as much creativity and inspiration as possible out of you while providing the least possible return, often not even a stanza. In effect, it’s daring you to terminate it.

What do you do? You can try to rehabilitate it, but the poem is now too far gone. Your best choice is to terminate now ... but you need to do it right.

(By the way, this is also the best thing for the poem as well. It's clear that its not happy and productive. It's better to give it the push to find another niche that is better suited for it: prose poem, short-short, shopping list, pornography. You are actually doing the problem poem a favor when you terminate.)

In the next section, we will talk about the consequences of keeping a problem poem longer than you should.

Factor #2: The Problem Poem Will Destroy Your Morale and Results… If You Don’t Do Something About It Today

Suppose you decide to give the problem poem an extra chance and let him stay in your manuscript or active submission list. What happens to you and your good poems?

Let us give it to you straight. The poem will poison the poetic environment it comes into contact with, including book contests, workshops, journal submissions, other poets, and your long-suffering non-poetry friends, to the extent you still have any. This is a natural outcome to being an “on-the-bubble” poem and being bad.

Your poetry will suffer because you’ll be losing inspiration and places to submit… and because you now have to spend so much time rewriting just this one poem. Unfortunately, it may take you years to re-establish any level of interest from other people in your poems again, if ever.

Besides this, the poem may poison your relationship with your other poems. Your “good” poems will see it’s all right to read badly and not to fulfill their potential. Your morale will drop, and this will further erode results.

Here’s the worst part. You’ll lose your best performing poems. That one poem that “kills” at readings will be met by indifference, contempt and derision. The journals that previous took your work faithfully will now return your poems with a generic rejection slip and a subscription card. And your friends…well, you haven’t seen them lately, have you?

The problem poem is a malignant cancer on your poetry. This cancer spreads by turning good poems into bad ones and by forcing your best poems out. In either case, you must cut out the cancer at its source before it spreads further. The cancer.

In the next section, you’ll learn why cutting out the cancerous problem poem becomes much harder with every extra day you wait to terminate.

Factor #3: The Longer You Wait… The Harder It Is To Terminate The Poem

If you wait to terminate the poem, there is a good chance you’ll never be rid of it.

Let me give you two common reasons this happens.

First, if you decide to rehabilitate the problem poem, it will drain all the energy from you. You’ll find yourself spending all your time working on this one poem and fighting any damage it’s causing to your style. Eventually, it wears you down, but you still can’t leave it alone.

Why? Because terminating the poem is admitting that you failed. (By the way, if this describes your situation, I want you to know you’ve not failed, probably. Most problem poem can’t be saved regardless of what you do. Remember… a bad apple remains a bad apple.)

Second, by waiting to terminate, you’re giving the problem poem time to infect your entire poetry “career.” Its strategy is to unmask your weaknesses as a poet and magnify any mistakes—incredibly stupid mistakes a five-year old wouldn’t make—you’ve made.

So why do poets wait to eliminate a problem poem… when it’s obvious you should get rid of it right away?

The primary reason is most poets have never been trained in proper termination procedures… and they're afraid of making mistakes, of throwing away a perfectly good poem, or even a great one. But don’t let this hold you back. Really. With our system, you’ll discover an easy and low risk way to terminate even the most difficult poem.

Now You Can Terminate Without Worry

Although we here at the VRB are no stranger to terminating and deleting poems, We'd still like you to think we're much like you. In the past, we didn’t get rid of poems as fast as we should have. We let them walk all over us while giving them a “chance.”

Finally, sick and tired of being taken advantage of, it became clear the problem poem was taking advantage of us for treating it fairly… and daring us to terminate it.

We hesitated to terminate because we didn’t have a consistent termination approach. So we made up this wish list for our ideal termination approach…

First, it must have practical termination procedures and effective options you could apply in any mental state.

Second, it must have a method for knowing your risk before you terminate… and it must tell you what to do for each risk level. This method must be simple enough that an average poet can use it without needing to spend big bucks on the Princeton Encyclopedia of Poetry and Poetics. For example.

Third, it must give solid recommendations for handling difficult and tricky terminations especially when they are high risk.

“Necessity is the mother of invention” –Plato in the Republic

“He who hesitates is lost” –the Marquis de Sade in 120 Days in Sodom

Here is just some of the useful knowledge you’ll discover in the VRB's Poetry Termination Toolkit…

• Five deadly errors you can make when terminating an poetry and how you can easily avoid them.
• Ingenious tricks to foist a bad poem on the public.
• The important criteria you must consider before any termination.

Like Talking To A Trusted Friend

The Poetry Termination Toolkit is the only toolkit available that takes you by the hand and shows you how to terminate poems. We’ve written the Toolkit in a conversational style to make it easy-to-read and use. It’s like talking to a trusted friend about your troubles over a cup of coffee, having them actually care, and getting a straight answer about what to do.

When you’re through reading the Poetry Termination Toolkit, you’ll know how to do the right thing.

You can easily follow these procedures even if you’re a new poet. Also, our termination methods work for poems of all sizes from one-word saroyanisms to sestinas to epic novels-in-verse, regardless of your poetics. This is a universal guidebook you can use wherever your attempt at a career takes you.

The Poetry Termination Toolkit includes the Vrzhu Research Bureau's proprietary and trademarked Poetic Risk Estimate & Guilt Avoidance System™. This system is unique. Nobody else shows ordinary poets how to find out the risk of deleting, withdrawing, and terminating poems.

Here are some other unique topics you’ll get in the Toolkit…

• Should you give a termination reason? You’ll find a surprising answer.
• A complete list of 64 bad factors that make a poem bad and for which you should terminate immediately.
• A sensitive and respectful way to get the ex-poetry out of your manuscript.

As you know, the VRB has loaded the Poetry Termination Toolkit with tons of reliable procedures, effective options and practical recommendations that apply anywhere, anytime, to anyone. But, we haven’t covered everything so far. Believe us, there’s plenty more.

Let us give you a summary.

You'll get these tools with the Poetry Termination Toolkit:

• Tool #1: Top Ten Most Difficult Kinds of Poems And How To Handle Them Like A Pro
• Tool #2: Poetry Warning Signs You Should Know
• Tool #3: “Fill-In-The-Blank” Poems and Poetics

We guarantee these tools will make your life much easier when you decide to write, or revise, or discard. They do the hard work for you.

Sincerely,

The Vrzhu Research Bureau

Remember...The Vrzhu Research Bureau. "Poetry Solutions for Non-Poets. Poetry Non-Solutions for Everyone Else."

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